But I'm trying something new. I'm embracing the sad when it comes. I'm not bottling it up. I'm not pretending everything's okay. And I'm not running away. If I feel like cry, I am going to cry. If I'm in a situation where I feel like I can't cry, then I leave and find a place I feel safe crying. I don't try to rush it and I don't try to stifle it. Sometimes I feel better after this, but most of the time I just feel numb. But once I've cried and let the sadness happen, I move on. I find a distraction. I watch tv or read or clean my room or blog. The sadness is still there, but it's kind of a released sadness. I've acknowledged it's existence, I've stopped and expressed it, and I'm going on with my day knowing that sadness is still there, but trying not to let it consume me.
So, yes. That's been the low. I've been crying and moving on. Sometimes I can distract myself until the sad fades into the background. Sometimes I have to cry again 30 minutes later. But it doesn't matter how often I cry. What matters is that I am trying to not let this sadness define me. Yes, I am incredibly sad. But "sad is not me," if that makes any sense. By embracing the sad like this, I'm able to recognize and appreciate the good a little more.
Speaking of the good...
Let's pretend it's yesterday and do 30 Day Photo Challenge Day 10: Something I Made!
This is my dresser that I keep in my closet. Technically, I didn't make the whole thing. We found it on the side of our neighbor's curb waiting for trash pick up. It was kind of stained and dirty, but we cleaned it and kept it on our back porch for a while. This past summer, I gave it another good cleaning, sanded it and painted it. I think it's adorable and I love it :)
Now fast forward back to today (back to the future? or would that just be back?).
Day 11: Something Fun!
Well, right now this is more "That's exciting." It will be fun when I get to redeem it.
My apartment complex did a few contests this morning to get people to recommend the complex to friends on Facebook. It was basically whoever went to their Facebook page and clicked the "Recommend" button first won a prize. I missed the first three, but I happened to log onto Facebook seconds after they posted the fourth status, so I recommended and won a gift certificate for a nearby hair salon!
Not the best picture of me, but there you go! The certificate says it's for a "style," so I'm not sure if that means something like a haircut with a blowout or if it means going in and getting your hair styled, like for a special occasion. I'll call and find out at some point. But either way, it's free! And I love free! Plus, when they posted this picture on complex's facebook page, they captioned it with "We have some pretty cute winners here at (name of complex)!" which was a nice little confidence boost :)
Something else good that I don't have a picture for: I got to see my roommate from last year last night and today! I've run into her a couple of times but I didn't get to actually spend time with her until last night. Like I said, yesterday was a tough one for me. I didn't have a lot of energy or motivation for anything. I was lying in my bed at 10:30 trying to talk myself into at least taking a shower before going to sleep (yeah...that bad) when she texted me to invite me to a party she was at in my apartment complex (literally a minute walk from my door). I thought about it for a minute and decided to take control of myself. I decided that I was going to take a shower, put on some make-up, put on an outfit that I feel good in and be social. And I'm so glad I did it. My old roomie is one of those girls that just knows what to say about things like this. She's got that perfect combination of "That's so stupid," "Have hope," and "This will get easier," down. I had barely talked to her since we moved out and I missed her! I got to have lunch with her today too, which was great! Remember my post about Friendship from a few weeks ago? I still have to remind myself that these friendships take effort if you want to maintain them, even if that effort is something that seems as small as getting out of bed and putting on some make-up. Last night was a perfect example of how much that effort is worth it. When I left the party last night, I wasn't thinking about how sad I was. I was thinking about how glad I was that I made that effort and got to see my roommate again! Baby steps can still get you places!
So there you have it. The past couple of days have been incredibly difficult, but the good is what I need to appreciate and remember. Today has been one month since the break-up. Monday would have been our seventh month anniversary. The next few days are going to continue to be difficult. I am going to have highs and I am going to have lows. But I will not let the lows define me or consume me and I will not let the highs go unnoticed. I am going to pray a lot. I am going to rely on my friends. I am going to make efforts to keep those friends. I am going to embrace the sad and be thankful for the good. And, if I'm lucky, I'll make it off of this roller coaster without throwing up.
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