A Year in Review

2010 has been a big year.

I graduated from high school and started college.

I completely changed my career plans.

I started the process of leaving home and becoming independent.

I was recognized as an actor among my peers.

I found myself on the edge of an eating disorder and discovered why therapy is important.

I learned what it means to love and I learned to cope with the idea that some things are not meant to be.

I learned what it means to trust a person with all of your being.

I've been hurt.

I've grown a lot as a person this year. But I still have a ways to go. I've gone from being 100% sure of my future to having no clue at all where my life is going, then back to being sure of what I want, but open to suggestions. My whole world was turned upside down and I found myself depending on others to keep me going, whether they knew it or not.

2010 was a really difficult year. But it made me step back, look at myself and my life, think about what I really want, and then learn how to deal with that fact that I am not going to get everything I want. And I never will.

Here's to 2011. May it cause just as much growth, bring just as many tears, bring closure to all of the cliffhangers in my life, and teach me what it means to be happy without caution or boundaries.

I'll drink to that.

Scroogin'

I am trying so hard to get into the Christmas Spirit and failing miserably. I don't know why.

Maybe it's because this year I have time to relax after finals, so I don't really need the anticipation of Christmas to keep me alive or sane? I don't know.

It just doesn't feel right this year. I just can't make myself care. It's really depressing, which makes it more difficult to get into the spirit which makes me depressed which makes it difficult to be spirited and it's a vicious circle.

Well, on the plus side, I've signed a lease and I know where I'll be living next August. But I'm not going to tell you where because you're not supposed to post that stuff on the internet. ;)

I Think..

I jude made a huge mistake.

I'm panicking.

Bieber Fever

We've all seen the video of a 3-year old crying about Justin Bieber (and if you haven't, go find it on youtube. It will melt your heart). Well, her 3 year old dream came true on thanks to Jimmy Kimmel.







On a completely unrelated note, my first semester at LSU is over. 5 A's and 1 B (that really should be an A). Finals week left me for dead, but I survived and it is all over. And those auditions that I was so nervous about? I got the part :). Now I have a 5 week break ahead of me and soon I'll be bored out of my mind and counting down the days until next semester starts. But for now, I'm happy with sleep, family, sleep, Christmas shopping, and sleep.

This Too Shall Pass

OK GO has the best music videos. Here's a recent one for their song "This Too Shall Pass. I think the Rube Goldberg concept is brilliant.



And if you've been living under a rock in a cave, here's their famous treadmill video for their song "Here It Goes Again." Once again, brilliant.




Also, first night of CRIMES OF THE HEART auditions was tonight. I honestly have no idea how I did. And there were 25 girls going for 4 parts. Eek. Night #2 tomorrow. Then hopefully I will make it to callbacks Wednesday.

And one more thing. Apartment hunting is stressfull

Secret Sundays.

Neither will I.

I also don't stand in front of mirrors in dark rooms.

Tomorrow.

The auditions are tomorrow.

WHY AM I SO NAUSEOUS?

Confession #2

I know where I'm going.

I know how I'll get there.

I'm afraid of going it alone.



Another confession. Crimes of the Heart auditions at Baton Rouge Little Theater are this Monday and Tuesday. I usually don't get nervous for an audition until a couple hours before, sometimes the morning of. But the event just showed up in my "Upcoming Events" sidebar on Facebook and I suddenly got very nervous. Like, need-to-take-a-pill-to-sleep-tonight kind of nervous. I NEVER get this nervous. I don't know why I'm so nervous now.

Well, actually, I do...

I worked at the theater this past summer (which, by the way, was the best job that anyone could ever ask for), but I haven't been onstage since last May. I made a conscious decision to not do any theater my first semester of college so that I could focus on school, which was the right decision. But that also means that it has been 188 days since I have performed onstage. And I miss it! I'm going crazy without it! I NEED IT.

*sigh* Well, I guess we shall see if this works out in my favor. I really hope so. It would be nice if something would work out in my favor.

Confession #1

Salad bars freak me out. There's no way they can be sanitary. I have no faith in sneeze guards. And how are they supposed to protect from bugs and returning spoons to wrong containers and cross contamination and such? And how can I trust that the vegetables are fresh or that the dressings haven't been spit in? They're just not worth it. They come with too much anxiety and stress.

They're like bacterial sex clubs. And they FREAK ME OUT.




Also, it looks like night #5 is going to suck just as bad as the first 4.

I wonder if anyone ever reads this blog.

#3

The third night is even worse.

Cookie Monster for SNL!

This made me smile, which is saying a lot right now.

The First Night Is Easy.

It starts to hurt on the second night.

Today, I realized how much work I have to do before December 2nd. Like, way ridiculous a lot of work.

I mean, sure, I will very much need a distraction this Thanksgiving. But I was just hoping for a paper. Maybe a quiz.

But I've got 30 times that.

Argh.

Also, I missed the finale for Dancing With the Stars tonight because I had to go see an opera that made me cry. It was a fantastic one-woman opera, but it hit way to close to home. Like "target home with a nuclear missile and press the big red button" kind of way to close to home. Curious? Google La Voix Humaine (The Human Voice) by Frances Poulenc with text by J. Cocteau.

I'm hurting a lot right now. A lot.

DWTS

Brandy was voted off of Dancing With The Stars tonight.

Yay! I mean, she was a good dancer, but she was soooooo obnoxious.

That means Jennifer Grey, Kyle Massey, and Bristol Palin are going to the finals. Jennifer Hough is obviously going to win. There are some who say Bristol Palin doesn't deserve to be there, but I think she's shown the most improvement of all of the dancers this season.

Other than that, I've had an incredibly horrible day. I really, really, really need a hug.

Anxiety

I can't shake this feeling that something really bad is about to happen. Like, life-changing bad. And it's terrifying me.

I do this to myself. I have anxiety issues that have gotten worse this semester. I'll worry about one little thing so much that it makes me sick or it affects my schoolwork or my relationships.

I have no reason to be so worried. But I am. Very, very worried.


I really hope it's all for nothing.

Sunday Secrets

on Monday.



My roommate and I got a Christmas tree for our dorm room. I know, it's too early, but after Thanksgiving is over, we'll only have two weeks in our room, so we're having Christmas early!

It's Cold.

I'm in the office I work in. Jeans, boots, long sleeve shirt, sweatshirt. I'm freezing.

Don't get me wrong. I'm glad the cold weather is here, but shouldn't we keep it outside?! I think hot chocolate is in order. Hot chocolate with marshmallows and a super heavy, but soft blanket on a huge, comfy bed and a fireplace with a dog sleeping in front of it and a Christmas movie and someone to watch it with and.......

Please excuse me, I just zoned out a bit thinking about how wonderful that sounds.

Speaking of Christmas movies, I broke down and watched one this weekend. The Santa Clause 2. Not a particularly good Christmas movie, but Elizabeth Mitchell (who played Juliet on LOST, may she and it rest in peace) is in it, which for me is reason enough to watch it. I'm going to *try* to save the good ones until the real Christmas season starts after Thanksgiving.

Gah! I'm ready for Thanksgiving/Christmas now! No school, warm houses, cookies, decorations, Christmas trees, fuzzy socks, mashed potatoes, and..............

I'm sorry, I believe I just zoned out again.

Before I make myself too depressed thinking about how long I have to wait for all of these wonderful things, I think I'll close out this post with my top 5 favorite Christmas movies (or at least my top five today, November 8, 2010 at 9:14 AM).


Emily's top Five Favorite Christmas Movies:

5) How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)



FIrst of all, how can you not love Dr. Seuss's "How the Grinch Stole Christmas." Fuzzy green curmudgeon feels left out and calls it hate for Christmas; tries to ruin Christmas and in turn finds its true meaning; heart grows three sizes; the end. And (though I know some people who will probably think less of me for admitting this) I am a Jim Carey fan. And the colors are just so gosh darned pretty!

4) The Santa Clause (1994)



This is the first Christmas movie I remember. I own it on VHS. My mom and I watch it in the kitchen while making Christmas cookies. And as is true with almost all sequels, the first movie is the best.

3) The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)



I shouldn't even have to explain why this is on my list.

2) A Christmas Story



It's a classic. This movie is so perfect that TNT dedicates a solid twenty-four hours to it on Christmas Day. And it's so quotable. "Fa-ra-ra-ra-ra!" "C-Plus?!" "You'll shoot your eye out!" My brother and I caught the blue ball joke for the first time last year. Haven't caught it yet? It's there, you'll find it. But you can only watch this movie on TNT on Christmas Day. To watch it on any other day is sacrilege.

And my number one favorite Christmas movie of all time is........!

1) The Polar Express (2004)



My. Absolute. Favorite. And I'll tell you why.

When I was younger, my family had a Christmas Eve tradition. I would leave out the cookies and milk for Santa and my mother would read me two stories. The first story was an old pop-up book of "Twas the Night Before Christmas." The second story was "The Polar Express" by Chris Van Allsburg. "The Polar Express" is the reason I asked Santa for a bell from Prancers sleigh every year. I saw the movie "The Polar Express around 2006 (I think) when it was ABC Family's Christmas movie one weekend. I watched it every time it aired that weekend.
This movie captures the book perfectly. It makes me laugh. It makes me cry. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It makes me feel Christmas.

Have a Merry Monday! 17 days until Thanksgiving! 47 days until Christmas!

I'm Afraid...

...that I might have run out of things to say.

I'm also afraid that I have a problem that will never go away.

They Say It's My Birthday!

Well, actually yesterday was.

And it was wonderful.

And I still have cupcakes and Reese's cups to celebrate with!

I approve of birthdays.

Success

I got the schedule I wanted (after 2 mother freaking hours of refreshing the PAWS website).

And now I have Pixy Stix and chocolate and iced tea.

Yay :)

Secret Sundays

I never liked any of my school pictures.


I've been trying to schedule my Spring Semester at LSU for over an hour now. I can't get past the PAWS homepage. Rumor has it that the server crashed. I am very frustrated and very anxious. And kind of hungry too.

FAIL.

I Took The Plunge.

I friended my Dad on Facebook. (BTW...Hey Dad, I'm sure you'll read this.)

There's not really much to say other than that. But I thought this was a big enough event to warrant a blog post.

I think I can trust my dad to not end up like a facebook parent that needs a filter like Jane Lynch:

Law and Order: Special Victims Unit

...has to be the most addictive television show ever created.

The crimes that are illustrated on this show absolutely terrify/fascinate me.



I've been watching a marathon for four hours and I don't know when I'll stop. This happens often and I have never seen the same episode twice.

Soooo addicting. Can't stop watching. Baaah.

She is Not a Witch

But Christine O'Donnel sure is stupid.

I know I don't live in Delaware, but this woman, her ignorance, and her power fascinate me.

In a recent debate with democratic Delaware Senate nominee Ray Coons at Widener Law School, O'Donnel revealed that she did not know that the First Amendment of the Constitution calls for a separation of church and state.

Come on, witchy. I learned that it elementary school. A private elementary school.

A video of the debate can be found below. Skip to minute 2:37 if you just want to see the main event, though the entire debate is quite entertaining.



How sad is it that I'm following the Delaware senate race more than I've followed any political campaign in Louisiana?

Facebook: The Musical?

Not quite (though it'll happen someday, I'm sure of it).

But composing team Benj Pasek and Justin Paul have taken the first step by writing "Be My Friend (The Facebook Song)" as a part of their song cycle "Edges." I found it thanks to the "Recommended for You" section of the YouTube homepage.

Here's a video of "Be My Friend (The Facebook Song)" performed by musical theatre majors at Penn State.



Sure it's not the greatest thing ever, but it's clever and it made me giggle.

Secret Sundays

I survived mid-terms week. I need to stop procrastinating.

No secrets really "spoke" to me this week (If that's what you want to call it), but this one made me giggle:



Frank called the file "wetelladifferentstory.jpg."

I'm having a good Sunday. The kind of Sunday that makes me feel like there's no need for secrets. I'm happy.

What Did I Tell You?

Guess who doesn't live and learn.

Guess who procrastinated.

Guess who just opened a can of Monster because she will be up all night studying.

This idiot.

It probably doesn't help that I cannot take my eyes off of the live feed of the Chilean miners being rescued. It's so fascinating, hopeful, emotional, happy, etc. And no one else at school seems to care.

Why doesn't my peer group care?! This is huge! This is history!

And people wonder why I want to graduate in 3 years and why most of my friends are older. Sheesh.

Mustafa Has Some Competition

Isaiah Mustafa has some fierce competition.



I don't remember children's television being so awesome when I was watching it!

Here's the hilarious original commercial, for those who are living under a rock.

Secret Sundays

This week, one secret really hit home for me.



I lost my grandmother two years ago tomorrow. She had severe dementia my entire life. I can't even remember the last time she remembered my name.

But I know that a lot of who I am is because of her and it kills me that I never got the chance to know her, even though she was there for 16 years of my life. Her body was there, but she was not.

I'll Be Here All Night

Right now I'm feeling pretty damn stupid.

Tomorrow morning is my MC 2010 mid-term, and I procrastinated.

Actually, I did worse than just procrastinate. I procrastinated without looking at the study guide.

And I am screwed.

I had every intention of spreading all of my studying out over the week. I just didn't follow through with those intentions.

And I will be here at the 459 studying until they close at three o'clock. And then I will find refuge elsewhere and continue my torture.

The sad thing is, I will not learn from this, just like I didn't learn from any of my past procrastination consequences. The only difference between this procrastination and past ones is that now I have a blog to complain to.



The next 24-hours of Emily's life brought to you by Monster Energy Drink.


And to top it all off, I can't breathe through my nose. So not only do I feel stupid, I look stupid because I am a pathetic mouth breather.

*cue tiny violin*

Five Guys

Five Guys Burgers and Fries opened their 1st Baton Rouge location today.



I went, I dined, and then I squealed. Because Five Guys has the best cheeseburger known to man.

I used to get Five Guys only once every couple of years went my family visited my grandmother. Now I can get it as often as I want!

Major Monday Win.



Now go and get your own taste of Five Guys and their meaty goodness.

But not in a sexual way....

Something Blue

This wedding cake makes me smile. If you've seen Disney/Pixar's movie "Wall-E," it will make you smile too.



I found this picture on the Disney Wedding's Facebook page. It's so perfectly adorable.

On a side note, I'm watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition. It always mamages to make me cry within the first 3 minutes. This episode especially becuase it focuses on a pair of siblings raising their 6 other adopted siblings with Downs Syndrome after their adoptive parents passed away. It hits close to home because I have a young cousin living with Downs. He's the happiest little kid I know and is one of the reasons I am studying communications disorders. But despite how happy he is, it's just not fair that he will never live the kind of life he deserves to.

But he is happy and he is loved. What I would give to be as happy as he is...

Sunday Secrets

This week, I had two favorite secrets.

I thought this first one was very relevant to the events of this past week. #ItGetsBetter


It's always interesting to see what Frank names the image files for the secrets. This secret is titled "onback.iwouldnotbeherewithoutyou.jpg." It's like finding a PostSecret Easter Egg.




Ironically enough, all of the stories on that secret are the first stories that I would read in the magazine. Sure, I read the stories that don't have anything to do with men as well. But I can't be the only woman who feels an incredible sense of empowerment knowing that she is able to please a man. I mean *really* please a man.

If you want to see more secrets from this week and maybe even discover a secret of your own, go to www.postsecret.com. You can also follow PostSecret on Facebook and Twitter.

Hug List

You know those celebrities and public figures that you want to meet just so you can give them a hug? Because they look like they would give good hugs?

Well, I would like to hug:
-Ellen Degeneres
-Queen Latifah
-Morgan Freeman
-Betty White
-Colin Firth

Some day...

Ellen Says It Best

Five teenagers committed suicide this week because of bullying over their perceived sexual orientation.

I don't even know what to say. I don't understand how people can harbor so much hate for people that they don't know, people that they don't even give themselves the chance to know. It's 2010. It's about time that people accepted that we are not a homogeneous species.



A list of organizations and resources to stop bullying can be found at http://ellen.warnerbros.com/.

#ItGetsBetter. We have to believe that it will or nothing will ever change.

Glee

Since the end of LOST, I have been trying to find a t.v. show to follow to fill the empty space left behind by the genius of J.J. Abrams, Damon Lindeloff, and Carlton Cuse. Unfortunately, the college lifestyle doesn't allow for leisurely t.v. watching. However, there is one show that fits into my schedule.

Glee.

I watched the season premiere of Glee and just couldn't get into it, so I abandoned it in favor of greener, more mature pastures. But when LOST ended and I had nothing better to do, I gave GLEE another try. I watched the entire 1st season and although the music is annoyingly catchy, overall the show just made me feel incredibly uncomfortable. Yes, as a musical theatre freak, I wish that I could walk down a busy hallway singing a sad love song without anyone taking notice. But from Lea Michele's contorted faces while she's having a Lady Gaga showdown in the bathroom with a foreign exchange student to pregnant high school girls dancing a bit from the Pas de Quatre from the ballet Swan Lake holding eachother's pregnant bellies instead of hands, I find myself often minimizing the Fox Online viewing screen until the awkward moments pass. Which brings me to my next point.

Last night, the 2nd episode of the 2nd season, Brittany/Britney aired. I didn't get to watch it until this afternoon. And I was absolutely shocked.

Someone please tell me what Glee's target audience is. I was under the impression that it was a show they wanted to appeal to a wide range of ages, like from 12-24. But I'm obviously mistaken. Because if my child was a 12 year old Glee fan, I would have flipped my shit over last night's episode and my child would have to find a new show to watch on Tuesday nights. Because what Fox aired last night was incredibly inappropriate in my opinion. I know Glee is known for pushing the envelop when it comes to the topic of sex (see the youtube video below from Glee's famous Madonna episode). But if the makers of Glee still consider their product the kind of show that a parent can watch with their teen or tween, then a huge, flashing neon line was crossed last night.

The episode was the much anticipated Brittany Spears episode. And it seemed innocent enough at first. The school guidance counselor, Emma, get's her dentist boyfriend (played by John Stamos..the reason I was actually excited about this episode) to speak to the Glee club about dental hygiene. He discovers that a few of the members of the Glee club have teeth in serious need of work and the majority of the rest of the episode shows those members having Brittany Spears fantasies induced by general anesthesia. In the first fantasy, the character Britney is shown wearing a few very famous Brittany Spear's costumes, including the red jumpsuit, a giant boa constrictor, and the sparkly nude jumpsuit (in which she is dancing around and on a submissive John Stamos while he's lying on a dentist-esque chair). The next fantasy was all that with a dash of Santana rubbing a black cane between her legs (hmm...I wonder what that's a metaphor for). The next two fantasies were relatively tame. Lea Michele's character fantasized that she was in the music video for Baby One More Time and Artie did a rendition of Stronger.

The episode culminated in a performance of Toxic in front of the entire school. The choreography featured suggestive dance moves and a boy in the audience that was so turned on by the performance that he was jumping around and reaching orgasm right then and there. Even coach Sue Sylvester says, "It's a Brittany Spears sex riot."

I have no problem with a t.v show showing that sort of content. I am in no way a supporter of censorship or believe that television show producers need to follow guidelines or anything of that sort . I just think that Fox and the producers of Glee need to seriously consider what kind of show that want to air. They are marketing to adults as well as young tweens. The show airs at a slot often reserved for somewhat family friendly programming. But last night's episode was one that I feel was not appropriate for their younger audiences. They either need to change their marketing approach to avoid the tweens or give some serious thought to their programming. Because last night was a sex riot.


"Like a Virgin" from Glee's famous Madonna episode.


What do you think? Am I just being a prude?

When I Die...

...I want to come back as an LSU Squirrel. I'll have all the french fries I want and I won't worry about the fact that they came out of the garbage or that they are loaded with fat. Because I'll be a squirrel. And squirrels don't have to care about hygiene or fat content.



I took this picture outside of the LSU Student Union today.


Oh, and on a completely un-Squirrel related note, IT'S COLD. It's unexpected (even though weather.com has been warning me about this), but quite nice. Like a free cookie or a nice message on your dorm door whiteboard.

Hide Your Heads!

Apparently, within the next couple of weeks, a ginger hunt will begin at LSU.

I'm kind of freaked out.

My roommate warned me tonight after she saw a redhead in a movie. Apparently, people will start creeping on me and taking pictures of me. I'm not okay with this. I'm not some one who particularly likes spontaneous pictures being taken of me (because, frankly, I'm not that photogenic). So the idea that I might become a target for cameras does not settle well with me. All google searches for "ginger hunt" are coming up empty (except for people actually named Ginger Hunt. What mean parents), so I really have no idea what to expect.

Perhaps I'm overreacting, but I'm getting to a point where ginger discrimination (that's not quite the right word, but you know what I mean) stops being funny and starts being seriously aggravating for those of us who are the target or comments, jokes, and "movements." The term ginger didn't really become popular until South Park's 137th episode, Ginger Kids. At first, the episode didn't seem that bad. The only people who got offended were redheads who were looking to be offended. I thought it was funny and started using the term my self. I didn't think anyone would take it seriously. But then it seemed to spark an "anti-ginger" movement. Gingers became thought of as unhuman and subpar to "normal" hair colors. Red hair was a deficiency. "Kick a Ginger Day" started to show up on school playgrounds and in facebook events. Here's a link to one ginger student's account and opinion of "Kick a GInger Day":http://www.northbynorthwestern.com/2009/11/59759/kick-a-ginger-day/. If such a practice were to emerge singling out another race, culture, or group, people would flip their shit. What is it about my strawberry-blonde hair that makes singling me out ok?



I don't mind the use of the term "ginger." Like I said before, I use the term and I have friends who use it as a term of endearment to refer to me or other redheads. But events like "Kick a Ginger Day" or "Ginger Hunts" that single me and other redheads out, I do have problem with. Just because I have red hair doesn't give people the right to take pictures of me without my knowledge or consent because it's part of some sort of game. It doesn't it mean I'm any less intelligent or talented than non-redheads. It doesn't mean I don't have feelings or that I don't get frustrated and angry when redheads are treated like objects instead of people.

Yes, I have red hair. And I love my hair. It's one of the many wonderful traits that's I've inherited from my wonderful grandmother. Every hairstylist I've ever been to has told me to never dye my hair. And people rarely give me problems over my hair color or even notice it. But every now and then, some movement like "Kick a GInger Day" or a "Ginger Hunt" will pop up and suddenly I'm regarded as human anymore. I am simply an object for ignorant entertainment. And it's frustrating and angering and saddening.


At least ask for my permission before you take my picture.

What do you think? Am I overreacting? Is it all just in good fun and I need to accept it? Should I just invest in a bottle of hair dye or a baseball hat and ride this out? Is anyone even reading this?


Here's another interesting more scientific viewpoint from fellow blogger and ginger Andy Einstein. I found it looking through pictures on Google to post here (just create a new tab and copy/paste the link into your search bar):

http://andyeinstein.blogspot.com/2008/09/face-it-people-with-red-hair-are-better.html

Red hair was thought to indicate beastly sexual desire. What, like that's a bad thing?

How Much Wood Could a Woodchuck Chuck If a Woodchuck Could Chuck Wood?

Geico has the answer.



I freaking love those commercials. My favorite is below.

Secret Sundays

Every Sunday, I check www.postsecret.com too read/see the week's Sunday Secrets. Some Sundays, a Secret will stick out to me. Today, this one did:



One day, I will be brave enough to write my own secret on a postcard and mail it to Frank Warren.