Today, I am incredibly sad. (So, warning: This post is going to be a major downer)
I cried today. In class. Quite the pathetic sight. And a new low considering that before this break-up, I could only cry in front of family and him. Now I've cried in class, in parking lots, at red lights, in Rockefeller Square, in Time Square, at subway stops, in restaurants....you get the idea.
I haven't cried since Sunday, October 30th. It's the longest I've gone without crying since my relationship ended and I really thought I was getting better. But I'm starting to think that instead of getting better, I've been ignoring my sadness. Just pushing it out of my head so that I can focus on the task at hand. But now, I face an open weekend. No work. No classes. Not a lot of studying. No commitments. All of those emotions I've been ignoring now stand front and center.
I'm sad. I'm hurt. I'm depressed. I'm lonely. I miss the man who used to be my boyfriend. The man I used to watch movies with on a Saturday night.
And it's not like I'm not trying. I'm trying so hard to not let this consume me. But it's a long, painful, arduous battle. And while there have been small improvements, I still hurt just as much now as I did the moment he uttered the words "break-up."
My God, when will this get easier? Why can't this get easier?
Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter
No comments:
Post a Comment