And on top of that, I'm running again.
By far, one of the most positive changes to my life since I met Boyfriend has been running. I've never had a good relationship with running. I used to spend all of my recesses and lunch periods in the school library. I dreaded the President's Physical Fitness test in elementary and middle school because I was always the last person to finish the mile run and my time was always over 25 minutes. In high school, I took a year of yoga to avoid all the running that was required in the general P.E. classes. Running and I just didn't mix.
Then enters boyfriend. Boyfriend runs. A lot.
When we first started dating, running didn't play a huge part in our relationship. Boyfriend would go running. He would return. I wouldn't let him touch me until he showered. End of story. Let's go get pizza. Then one day, after complaining about the weight I'd gained recently, I declared that we had to start eating healthier and that I had to go back to my really strict, pre-Boyfriend diet.
"Or," Boyfriend said, "You could start running with me."
"HA!"
End of conversation.
But after that point, every time I mentioned my dissatisfaction with my weight, Boyfriend would suggest I start running. And every time, I responded with a bitter "HA!" Me? Run? Never. That's insane.
Then one day, instead of laughing in his face, I said ok. I don't know why. Maybe the moon was in the seventh house and Jupiter aligned with Mars? Maybe I had been hypnotized? Maybe I was just sick of him bringing it up and thought that if I just showed him how hopeless of a case I was, he would give up.
That first run was a total disaster. We took off in the Louisiana summer heat and after what seemed like a lifetime, Boyfriend said, "We're almost to the half mile point." And I almost stopped and cried right there. And the sad part was that I hadn't even run that entire half mile. I had walked a good bit of that. I tried not to show it, but I felt so defeated and useless. I was really that out of shape. I convinced Boyfriend to let us head back to the car. As I walked back, my mind was changing. I had to accept that, in the case of a Zombie Apocalypse, I would definitely be one of the first ones bitten. And I was not ok with that.
Then, the running stopped. Don't ask me why. I have a million excuses. None of them were good. I was too tired. Or my head hurt. Or I had eaten a heavy lunch. Or my legs were sore. Or it was too hot outiside. Or the treadmills were all full. Or Toddlers and Tiaras was on. Excuses, excuses, excuses. And it wasn't just me. Boyfriend had stopped too. Life was crazy and unpredictable. It was hard to keep any sort of routine when you didn't know where your life was going to take you in the next few days.
This week, I ran out of excuses. Boyfriend has found time of top of his full time job to start running. My entire family started running this year and has never let excuses stop them. If they could do it, then there was absolutely no reason why I couldn't do it. So this past Saturday, I dragged myself to my apartment's fitness center and made myself get on the treadmill. While I was proud of myself for making myself go and do it, I was discouraged at how much I had regressed in my time off. After a mile and a half, I had to stop. My running:walking ratio was a little too even for my taste and my time sucked. So I went back the next day and pushed myself just a little further. And then a little further the next day.
Last night was a rare night. I didn't have rehearsal, so I was able to run with Chris around the lakes at LSU. He likes to run the larger like, so it was just me, my iPod, and the small lake. Honestly, I didn't have high expectations for the run. I was exhausted and I had a killer headache. I thought I would just go through the motions and get my legs reacclimated to running on solid ground again.
So, with that in mind, I started my run.
Imagine my surprise when I didn't stop until I returned to that same starting point 1.8 miles and 22 minutes later. My best run ever! I had never run that far without stopping before! I actually danced a little with I reached my finishing point. I may have even cheered! I'm sure I looked silly, but who cares! I had just done something that seemed impossible to me just six months ago!
Something clicked within me after that run. Not only did I feel amazing and unstoppable. I felt a new sense of control over my life that I didn't realize I was missing. I was no longer kicking myself for taking so long off of running. Instead, I felt empowered. Instead of focusing on the choices I've made in the past, I was thinking of all of the new choices that I will be able to make tomorrow—not just in running, but in every aspect of my life. I was reminded that I have the potential to do amazing things, like run 1.8 miles without stopping. All I have to do is lace up my shoes and take those first few steps.
It's funny how we can surprise even ourselves.
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