Misery Loves Company

And so here I am. Good ol' misery looking for some company in the blogosphere.

I had a bit of an emotional shake-up this past weekend. I won't go into the gory details, but I was forced to face a reality that I had been avoiding with every fiber of my being. And it kind of came out of the blue. I knew it was coming. And (for the most part) I shouldn't have been surprised. But still, it caused quite the meltdown for me.

I am a creature of habit. I like my routine. I don't take too many chances. I'm not the girl taking mystery shots and vomiting in trash cans in Tigerland on a Thursday night. I like familiar things and people. And I'm happy that way. So sudden change freaks me out. Sudden change that I do not want shuts me down.

I am not one who is comfortable crying around others. I think part of it is that I don't want other people worrying about me. It makes me feel guilty. I think the other part of it is that I think I'm a hideous cryer. I turn red and my chin scrunches up and it's not pretty. Save for family, I can count the people I've cried in front of on one hand. And they don't even fill up that one hand. So when I go through an emotional shake-up such as this one, one of two things happens. I either a) act like a baby and cry hard until I've exhausted myself to the point of sleep or b) become numb to every thing around me and stare at the ceiling until I've stared myself to sleep. And when I wake up and realize that what happened was real and not a dream, I act like a baby and cry hard until I've exhausted myself to the point of more sleep. This past go round, I went with choice B. It's best I have a few days to live out this phase. I just need some time alone to mope and sleep and cry. Plus, when this phase is cut short, it just makes phase two last longer, which is bad.

Why, you ask?

Because phase two is food phase. This is the phase when I tell myself that I can't feel much worse, so I might as well make myself fat while I'm down. This go round, my shut down phase was cut short thanks to school and being at home where parents expect you to get out of bed at some point during the day (though I think they sensed something was wrong and for the most part just let me be. They didn't question me when I announced at one that I was going to the most expensive grocery store in town for Ice Cream. They didn't question me when I was back in bed by 2:30. They let me sleep until I woke-up on my own at 5:30. The only time they expected anything of me was when my grandfather came over for dinner). But I was back at school today and had to wake up and stay awake and not cry during philosophy. So lots of food. Yesterday, I ate half of a Raising Cane's three finger combo, almost an entire bag of Extreme Cheese Goldfish, half of a piece of Lasagna, and a pint of Vanilla Bean Ice Cream. Today? About 10 Reese's cups, a bag of Lay's potato chips, half of a Papa John's personal pepperoni pizza with a container of garlic butter, two Swiss Cake Rolls, and about 40 ounces of Coke. REAL Coke. I never let myself drink real coke. And I'm strongly considering ordering Jimmy John's.

And nothing tastes right. In the past two days, everything I've eaten that one might consider somewhat real food has tasted funny. Thus the half eating Cane's meal, lasagna, and pizza.

Oh, and my teeth hurt. Because I manifest my emotions in my jaw. Which mean lots of unintentional teeth clenching the past couple of days.

Other people cope differently with shake-ups and some think I should be dealing with this differently. My roommate, for example, is trying to convince me to go down to New Orleans with her and our friends for Mardi Gras this weekend. She believes I need to hit rock bottom so that the only way I have to go is up. I can think of a lot of ways that can go horribly wrong.

I really have no idea why I just wrote this blog post. If I were thinking rationally, I would probably not click the "Publish Post" button. But I'm not, so I will.

Maybe this is supposed to be therapeutic? I think I just needed to write down what I'm going through so that I can try to understand the cluster fuck that is my mind right now.

And I'm comfortable posting this because I don't think that anybody is actually reading this blog. When I was little, I used to line up my stuffed animals and barbies and talk to them and put on little shows for them. I kind of see my blog in the same way. I'm just writing this out for my stuffed animals and Barbies. I don't really expect any one to read this or really care about this.

That being said, if you are a real person reading this blog, now is not the time to tell me.

One good thing that happened this weekend? I discovered a new chapstick thanks to my friend Caroline. Or maybe it's a chap ball? A lip ball? A balm ball? It's called the Eos Lip Balm Smooth Sphere.



I have the yellow one, which is called Lemon Drop. Like the Nivea Lip Stick I mentioned in my last blog post, it goes on smooth and doesn't really have a taste, but on top of that, it smells good and the shape makes it easy to find in my black hole of a purse.

Ok, that's all I got. I should probably try to get some schoolwork done before I turn into a pumpkin. A sad, pathetic, fat pumpkin.

My Favorite Things

So as predicted, I'm not really that good at blogging consistently. It's not that I don't want to blog. My life is just relatively low-key right now. There's not much significant happening that's not too private to write about here. So I just don't get around to finding something to blog about. But I've been looking at some other blogs lately and a common post I've seen has been a "My Favorite Things" post. It seemed like a fun idea. I mean, who doesn't love to talk about the stuff we love?
So here you are. Emily's Favorite Things:

1) One Line a Day Journal

After seeing how bad I am just at keeping up with a blog, you can imagine how bad I am at keeping up with a regular journal. But what I like about this journal is that for everyday you only have 5 lines to write in so you don't have the pressure of writing a long journal entry. That's why I call this my twitter journal. But instead of fitting everything you have to say into 140 characters, you have to fit it into five lines. Each page is assigned a day and each day has five little sections. Your first year, you write what year it is and write your memory in the first section of each page. The next year, you start back at the beginning and move onto the second section. It also gives you the opportunity to go back at look at what was going on in your life at the same time in previous years. And the journal is the perfect size to fit in my bedside table.
I noticed when I found the picture that they also make a journal like this especially for moms. That would be a great Mother's Day Gift!

2) Nivea "A Kiss of Smoothness" Lip Stick

While I was in High School, I went through a round of Accutane Treatment which, among many other things, made my skin and lips very dry. While I was on Accutane, I didn't dare go anywhere without some sort of lip balm. Then, I had to use the more heavy duty stuff like Aquaphor. Once I was off of it and my skin started to chill out a bit, I didn't need the lip balm quite as much and I didn't need the heavy duty stuff. But I still need it pretty often and get pretty anxious without some sort of lip balm. I can't describe Nivea's Kiss of Smoothness as anything but perfection. It goes on so smoothly, has no taste, and comes in a fun little stick that I often find myself winding up and down when I get fidgety or anxious. And it works incredibly well.

3) Craisins

I do not eat fruit. At all. The texture freaks me out and I don't really like the taste or smell of any type. But I will eat Craisins. I will eat a whole bag if you let me. They're pretty much my sole source of fruit so I try to eat some everyday. I love them because they're perfect for snacking and it's easy to just throw a bag of them in my backpack if I know I'm going to have a long day at school. And they're just so delicious.

4) My iPhone, MacBook Pro, and iPod Nano

What can I say? Apple makes my life better. My iPhone even has a name: Wendy Esmerelda

5) My 2010 Hyundai Sonata

I got very lucky with my first car. We found it at the first dealer we we went to (a Honda dealer) and we got a great deal on it because it wasn't a Honda brand car. I contributed a few thousand dollars to it's purchase, but my parent's are the main purchaser so when I'm home for the weekend and they decide that they want to take the Sonata to run their errands one morning, they can. I don't really mind because I'm always asleep at that time anyway. Haha. We bought it used, but barely used. It's in fantastic condition and still even has the previous owner's Satellite Radio (Shh! Don't tell anybody.)! I take great pride in my car and try really hard to keep it clean. In fact, when I want to treat myself, I go to Benny's Express and get her washed (Yes, it's a her and her name is Wanda). It's so spacious inside and is perfect for singing at the top of lungs along with my iPod nano (which I can plug directly into the car). It's perfect for me.

I think that's it for now. Because it is 1:10 AM and another one of Emily's favorite things is sleep.

Secret Sundays.

Needs no explanation. Frank gave the file an appropriate name: Dreadbook.jpg

I had a Valentine Secret, but I was afraid that sending it in would make it true.

I hate Valentine's Day. Everyone's too happy.

WHY CAN'T EVERYONE BE MISERABLE LIKE ME?

Hey, Stranger

I haven't blogged in almost a month, which is kind of pathetic. A lot has happened since I last blogged.

I started my second semester at LSU, and I can tell it's going to be difficult. I'm taking 17 hours, which is the same amount as I took last semester. This semester, 16 of those hours are academic classes, compared to the 14 hours of academic classes I took last semester. I decided to drop my music minor because it was such a heavy minor and it was turning music, which I love, into work. This semester, my one non-academic course is a musical theatre class, which I'm loving so far. It's keeping me sane.

Crimes of the Heart opened.
http://www.2theadvocate.com/entertainment/arts/113616089.html
I have never gotten such an enthusiastic response from an audience before. And it's consistent. Every meet and greet, an overwhelming number of audience members who just can't tell me enough how much they loved the show. I've even had several patrons tell me it's one of the best shows they have seen at the theater! I've also had several people who I have worked with before and admire and respect tell me that they enjoyed the show and are proud of me. Those comments are the ones that mean the most to me.

Well, now that I've written all of that out, it doesn't seem like that much. But it is! I promise. I've been so busy. I'm having a blast, but I'm ready for a break.

And surprise! I got one. Temperatures in Baton Rouge have been hovering around freezing for the past couple of days and we're expecting rain tonight (well, we were actually expecting freezing rain all day, but I've yet to see any of it), so Baton Rouge has pretty much shut down, including LSU. No classes tomorrow! Unfortunately, tonight performance of Crimes of the Heart was also cancelled, which is a bummer. But I decided to turn lemons into lemonade (which, if you're familiar with Crimes of the Heart, you now is a very Babe thing to do). I decided to come home tonight just so I could be a little more relaxed and get the most of my time off. Right now, I'm watching the original The Phantom of the Opera from 1925 starring Lon Chaney as The Phantom. It's on Netflix instant streaming. It's a silent movie, so you really have to pay attention. I'm really enjoying it. It clarifies some gray areas in the Andrew Lloyd Weber version. For instance, I never quite understood the whole "Hand at the level of your eyes" thing, but I do now. I think it's a lot darker than the musical and at some points, I find it downright scary (but I'm a wuss, so that might just be me). If you're a Phanton fan, it's definitely worth a watch. The movie is based on the book by Gaston Leroux, which I've been wanting to read since middle school, but here I am in college and I have yet to get to it.

I think that's it....but I'll leave you with a couple of relevant pictures.


This picture appeared alongside an article about Crimes of the Heart in my local newspaper.


Lon Chaney: The Original Phantom. He does not look like Gerard Butler.


And last, but not least, my perfect kitty, Misty, who is been peacefully lying in her bed next to me all evening.

I hope this post made sense. It's getting late and I'm exhausted. It might all just be complete gibberish.