Something to Be Thankful For

Y'all, I have an awful confession to make—one that is going to make me seem like the most awful person on the face of the earth.

I am having a lot of trouble feeling thankful this Thanksgiving.

How ridiculous is that?  I'm awful! I know that I have a lot to be thankful for.  I have a wonderful, loving family and incredibly supportive friends. I'm healthy and I have the means to see a doctor when necessary. I'm getting a great education. I have a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in. I have food on my plate, clean water and warm clothing.  I have wonderful opportunities and a bright future.

I know that I have so much to be thankful for.  I just don't feel thankful.  I don't think about these things, smile and note how fortunate and lucky I am.  I'm not saying that I take these things for granted.  I just have to remind myself how fortunate I am.  I've been struggling with a lot lately and feeling thankful is just something to add to the list.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.  I'm not excited.  I'm not eagerly anticipating platefuls of turkey and green bean casserole and pecan pie.  I have no clue what channel the parade is on or what time it even starts.  Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays.  It's all about food and family and love.  It's the start of the Christmas season!  I don't know what's wrong with me this year.

Actually, I do know what's wrong.  If you had asked me two months ago how I thought my Thanksgiving would be, I would have painted you a different picture than the one I'm giving you now.  I have made progress since my break-up.  But the fact of the matter is, in my mind, there will be someone important to me missing from my family's table tomorrow.  There's nothing I can do about that.  And it just makes me really sad.  I have been dreading Thanksgiving so much for the past month.  I love Thanksgiving with my family so much and I was so excited to get to share that with my boyfriend and to get to share my boyfriend with my family.  It hurts that I won't get to do that tomorrow.  It really hurts.

So, here I am on this Thanksgiving eve.  I'm having a lot of trouble feeling thankful because I'm really having a lot of trouble feeling anything other than sad.  I've always known that the holiday season can bring out the best in people.  This year, I'm learning that it can also draw attention to those who are absent in our lives.  

There are people who live their entire life and never know what it means to be in love.  At 20, I know what it means to love and trust someone with all of your being.  I know the complete happiness and joy that one feels with every "You're beautiful" and "I love you."  I have seen the gaze that can make your heart leap and I know how full that kind of love can make you feel.  Yes, I have lost it.  But at least I have known it.

That's something to be thankful for.

My friend Melissa posted this picture on her blog Little Mrs. Married earlier this week. 

                              

And you should read this post of hers too!  When you're done, just imagine me standing over your shoulder saying "Ditto."

Have a happy Thanksgiving tomorrow, my lovely readers!  Eat a lot, take a nap and enjoy time with those you love.

It's Cold.

I'm in the office I work in. Jeans, boots, long sleeve shirt, sweatshirt. I'm freezing.

Don't get me wrong. I'm glad the cold weather is here, but shouldn't we keep it outside?! I think hot chocolate is in order. Hot chocolate with marshmallows and a super heavy, but soft blanket on a huge, comfy bed and a fireplace with a dog sleeping in front of it and a Christmas movie and someone to watch it with and.......

Please excuse me, I just zoned out a bit thinking about how wonderful that sounds.

Speaking of Christmas movies, I broke down and watched one this weekend. The Santa Clause 2. Not a particularly good Christmas movie, but Elizabeth Mitchell (who played Juliet on LOST, may she and it rest in peace) is in it, which for me is reason enough to watch it. I'm going to *try* to save the good ones until the real Christmas season starts after Thanksgiving.

Gah! I'm ready for Thanksgiving/Christmas now! No school, warm houses, cookies, decorations, Christmas trees, fuzzy socks, mashed potatoes, and..............

I'm sorry, I believe I just zoned out again.

Before I make myself too depressed thinking about how long I have to wait for all of these wonderful things, I think I'll close out this post with my top 5 favorite Christmas movies (or at least my top five today, November 8, 2010 at 9:14 AM).


Emily's top Five Favorite Christmas Movies:

5) How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)



FIrst of all, how can you not love Dr. Seuss's "How the Grinch Stole Christmas." Fuzzy green curmudgeon feels left out and calls it hate for Christmas; tries to ruin Christmas and in turn finds its true meaning; heart grows three sizes; the end. And (though I know some people who will probably think less of me for admitting this) I am a Jim Carey fan. And the colors are just so gosh darned pretty!

4) The Santa Clause (1994)



This is the first Christmas movie I remember. I own it on VHS. My mom and I watch it in the kitchen while making Christmas cookies. And as is true with almost all sequels, the first movie is the best.

3) The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)



I shouldn't even have to explain why this is on my list.

2) A Christmas Story



It's a classic. This movie is so perfect that TNT dedicates a solid twenty-four hours to it on Christmas Day. And it's so quotable. "Fa-ra-ra-ra-ra!" "C-Plus?!" "You'll shoot your eye out!" My brother and I caught the blue ball joke for the first time last year. Haven't caught it yet? It's there, you'll find it. But you can only watch this movie on TNT on Christmas Day. To watch it on any other day is sacrilege.

And my number one favorite Christmas movie of all time is........!

1) The Polar Express (2004)



My. Absolute. Favorite. And I'll tell you why.

When I was younger, my family had a Christmas Eve tradition. I would leave out the cookies and milk for Santa and my mother would read me two stories. The first story was an old pop-up book of "Twas the Night Before Christmas." The second story was "The Polar Express" by Chris Van Allsburg. "The Polar Express" is the reason I asked Santa for a bell from Prancers sleigh every year. I saw the movie "The Polar Express around 2006 (I think) when it was ABC Family's Christmas movie one weekend. I watched it every time it aired that weekend.
This movie captures the book perfectly. It makes me laugh. It makes me cry. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It makes me feel Christmas.

Have a Merry Monday! 17 days until Thanksgiving! 47 days until Christmas!